What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:41
But, we were locked up after school.
And i lived it daily.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
If freedom of speech is absolute, how come it's not applied for private spaces and for the Internet?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was 9 years of age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
How did it feel when experiencing gay sex for the first?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We all went to grammer schools
I said to her
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What is an easy way to get your driver's license?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I will be 64.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was very sick at this time too.
How has your life changed since starting college?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Is the Shia claim true that Imam Ali was born inside the Kaaba?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why would Joseph Smith say that polygamy was God's law?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She loved him until the end.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It was going to be , some day.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We were not on the streets..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I couldn’t, believe it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He knew the spot.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
When she asked me how she looked .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So whats the point in blame.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I waited trembling.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So, i spoilt her more .
Im still living with it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was seconnd youngest,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I write beautiful poetry .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
All the time i was locked up.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
This is soul school!.
What did i know ?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As i do to all so called friends.?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it wasn’t much.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I think the readers, may guess!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She found it foreign!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Who then, do I blame.?
Ive learnt so much.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Would this be the day?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My life is so biszare .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
She was in good health!
Why did i forgive my father ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Put me off passion for life!!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She wouldn,t have been !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I have no regrets .
One cannot live in the past .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I could never make a relationship work though!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
I was scared of men, in general
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She married twice! .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.